Thursday, February 18, 2010


It has been awhile since i have posted anything here or on youtube. This first post is going to be non-beauty related. There has been personal stuff going on in my life and i am choosing to vent here for my sanity. About six or eight months ago, not really sure on the time frame things are a bit blurry, my mother became ill. She had a history of fibroids along with having high blood pressure, diabetes and who knows what else. Everything was under control or at least we thought so. She had numerous tests year after year and everything was under control. One day she discovers a growth in her belly button. The first thought is that it is an infection. She goes to the Dr. and she get antibiotics takes them and nothing seems to be happening the growth continues. So after going to doctors and homeopathic routes its still there. Then she hemorrhages from the fibroids the worst yet and still the gynecologist says its normal and just says she is anemic and she will recover. She gives her some stuff to stop her periods so she won't bleed out again. Finally she is strong enough to have the growth removed and the doctor send the growth to the lab to be analyzed. He says he does not like the results, but wants to get it tested. Finally he says it is possibly cancer and advises my dad to take her to the hospital. She goes to the hospital at the beginning of December they basically say its cancer and insist that they make an appointment at the cancer center. They never give any straigh answers as to where the cancer is just that it is terminal. She is there for about a week until she is stable and they send her home. While she was in the hospital they bring in hospice, which means that there is nothing they can do, but never directly tell us how bad it really is. When she comes home she is breathing better and seems to be doing okay. Well things soon start to deteriorate. My dad calls hospice to see if they can help since she is having a really hard time breathing. Hospice sends a hospital bed, oxygen and portable potty. Ever since my mom came home from the hospital my dad has been trying to get an appointment at the cancer center and it takes about a week or more just to get an appointment in the middle of January. Well my mom never makes that appointment. From lab tests that my dad has i read that the cancer is metastatic, which means it has spread. Because hospice is invovled we know that there is nothing they can do and she is going to die. Is a very hard pill to swallow. For about two weeks things get harder and harder. At the beginning she was eating and slowly she stopped eating. Then her breathing was more and more labored and about after a week had to go on morphine. Soon my dad had to stop going to work. Every day that passed was more stressful than the next. One minute she was okay the next she was not. Finally on Dec 28th it was too hard to care for her at home and she went back to the hospital that night. She knew she was going to die and did not want to die at home. My dad respected her wish and took her to the hospital for the last time. She did well for two days by wed night her organs started to fail and the morphine did nothing to stop her pain. On Thursday morning my brother wakes me up and tells me they are putting her on a morphine drip and she will be in a lucid state so we need to go to the hospital and say goodbye. We get there and she is surrounded by her brothers and sister pretty much all her family. We get to tell her goodbye and within twenty minutes she is gone. I do not know how to put into words what i felt at that moment and every day since then. It has been blurry especially the first few days. I hid from family and friends those first few days. I truly admire her courage she never once complained about the pain or cried or anything. She would say she was fine even though she was not.
There is more that i could say, but its an emotional endeavor to write everything and its still murky. Hopefully it makes sense.

Yolanda Montes de Hernandez


  1. *hug* I'm always here if you want to talk. Losing my mom so suddenly has been really difficult for me too. Let me know if you ever need anything. <3